He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
