areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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