Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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