i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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