I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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