your room smells of hookers.
And success
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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