I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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