My hand turned me down
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
