keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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