Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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