Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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