You're so nebulous sometimes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
