So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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