At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
