My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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