This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
