were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
