In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
