When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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