clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
