Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
