sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
