I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
