she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
