I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm always down for nudity.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
