farters have to be the big spoon...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
love makes seman taste better
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
