Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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