I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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