I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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