Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
