Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize