Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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