I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
