billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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