it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
