he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
send nudes
from the living room?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
