Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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