I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
