Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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