R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
