I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
