do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dicks are not precious.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
