everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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