I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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