She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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