her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
