I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
