i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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