If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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