I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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