He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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