So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A+ Viking dick
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
