I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
