atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
